For those who are not members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, a bit of explanation would need to understand what I feel like writing about tonight. First off, our church does not believe in a paid clergy. Everyone is expected to volunteer our time with what is asked of us to the best of our ability in order to make everything work. Of course, if it is just left as a free for all, there would be a bunch of chaos, and not much progression. Because of this, we are all given jobs, or callings, where we are given a specific job to do, with specific requirements, for a set amount of time, and then, in most cases, you are given a new job, and someone else takes over for you. Some jobs take a lot of time, for instance a missionary is called for some time between 18 months and 2 years, and for that time they are serving pretty much 24/7. There are some callings where you might have meetings 4 or 5 times a week for a couple of hours. Or you might be a teacher in church where you have to prepare a lesson for an hour or two, maybe more, and then teach on Sunday. We don't compete for callings, or campaign for them. We are given them by inspiration from God, and often times, it is a growing experience that you can't even imagine being fit for, until you grow into it. And you never seem to know where your next calling may take you.
The church is also set up to boost each other up, to help one another, and to make sure no one is left behind. In order to do this, there are people called to do exactly that. Each household has two men who are called to be their "home teachers". Home teachers have the job of checking in with you every month, or more, and providing what help you may need, be that anything from administering to the sick, to moving your grand piano to your new house. Each household is also assigned two women who are visiting teachers. They, too, are responsible for checking in on you, and doing whatever they can to help. In my eyes, the most important part of being a visiting teacher is being a friend.
It is an amazing set up! I have made some of my dearest friends by either being their visiting teacher, or having them as mine! When everyone is doing their job, it is hard to not feel so much love from those around you, and things run smoothly, and wonderfully, even when personal crisis may be threatening your own life.
The other day I was thinking about callings, what I have done, what I am currently doing, and so forth, and I remembered a comment someone once made to me. First I need to explain that there is also another calling, one I have never had, but have many times had serve me. The calling is Compassionate Service Leader. This calling has always seemed like such a wonderful calling in my eyes. When there is someone in need, this woman gets to call around and make sure everything is arranged to help them out, and make sure the structure is there to support them, and help them through. From newborn babies, sick families, rides for those without transportation, and even funerals.
A while ago, I was sitting in church, and they released the compassionate service chair, and called a new one. Afterwards a friend came up to me and said she was surprised I was not given that calling. To me, I wasn't at all surprised, but the statement hit me pretty strongly, and especially from who has said it, I took that statement as a huge compliment. I try to help others, honestly, and often times I know I don't do as much as I could. When I hear about someone going through something difficult, and I realize (even if I didn't know about it at the time, and only found out afterwards) that I did nothing to help them, it breaks my heart. I don't know how I expect to have a sense about who is having a hard time, but in my mind, I should so I can help them, as impossible as it might be for me to have that knowledge. Sometimes I have been lucky enough to just feel like taking over dinner to someone, or call them, or something. I honestly believe I have those feelings more often when I remember to pray for them, and have never regretted taking that time to show my love for someone who needed it.
So, I was sitting there thinking about how amazing it was that someone thought I would be a good person to help with such an amazing calling, but realizing how no one truly needs a calling in order to serve in such a way. Now, I am not promoting that everyone simply shows up and does whatever they want at church whenever they want. But what if in every situation in life we simply looked at what we could do, what we should do, and pretended that we had a calling related to the situation we were in. For example, I had the amazingly awesome experience of being a girls camp director. I honestly still look, and have no idea why I had that opportunity, but I did. Since then I have been moved to teach nursery, the children age 18 months to 3 years old. Obviously being released from girls camp, after watching these wonderful young women do so much, and become so close to my heart, just because I am released I am not going to pretend they don't exist. I am not going to turn away any of the smiles, hugs, or waves that I see when I am at the junior high. I am not going to stop wanting to serve them as a youth leader, even though the calling is gone. They are such amazing girls, and I still want to do all I can to teach them what I can. I am sure God still expects me to show them my love, and to be an example of the love that he has for each of them. And I know there is no way in this world I want to stop being around their sweetness and happiness. With the change of the calendar my sweet little munchkins I was in charge of teaching all moved on to the next class. But heavens knows I am still going to love their sweet smiles, and sweet little spirits every chance I have to see them, and I hope they always think of me as their teacher, even if they have moved on. It is simply amazing to me how much love you can gain for someone by simply taking the chance to serve them. And that love stays with you forever, even when the circumstances may change where you are not continually serving them.
But then there are also the callings you have never had, and the ones you may never have. What if we all tried to do every calling we could without being asked to? Every adult acted every moment of every day as a youth leader, just in case one might be watching. Everyone acted with the kindness and love of a nursery leader, showing patience to everyone, and giving them love when they felt like crying? What if every person decided they were going to be a compassionate service leader, visiting teacher, or home teacher to every individual they came in contact with, not just their assigned families? What if everyone was actively, every day of their life, looking for anyone they could serve, in small ways or big? This is my goal, to excel at every calling I can possibly serve in, whether I am called to it, or not. I don't see how a calling should matter in most cases. I am perfectly capable of simply serving and teaching without being formally asked. I hope others will join me too, and serve in callings they have never had. I hope they will help teach children through their example and love, even if no one asks them. Can you imagine the world if everyone were willing to join in this? And, maybe even a better question would be, can you imagine the difference in your life if you simply chose to do this?
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Choosing Sides in a Morality Battle
I have been pondering for awhile what my next blog should be on. So many things seemed superficial, and not worth the effort. Other things in my life seemed too surreal, or too hard, to place yet in words. But yesterday, I discovered one topic I feel I have to address.
Do you ever watch the world around you, and see all the hardness in the world, and feel your heart nearly break? Recently I did, along with so many others. The experience I am speaking of is that disaster in Sandy Hook. I think each of us in the nation mourned as we realized the tragedy that occurred. The children were so young, innocent, and perfect. And yet their life was ended prematurely because someone made a decision that was wrong. It wasn't one of those wrongs that we can somehow justify, that we can come to grips with, and somehow understand how it happened. This was one of those cases where it was so horrible, we sat in awe wondering how such a thing could ever come to be.
As happens with every tragedy that is in the public eye, the war cries start, looking for a place to blame, a place to "fix", a place to correct and prevent such a thing from ever happening again. One group yells that we need every teacher armed, and armed guards in every school. The other side yells that all guns must be destroyed, no one should be able to own one. I sit and watch, and I can't come to agree with either side. I, personally, would rather die than have to kill someone in my own self defense. If you throw my children into the mix, well, then the mama bear takes over, and I would protect them with all of my might. I personally do not care for guns, never have. But I married a man who was an expert infantryman, and I value that knowledge and skill that he has.
When discussing what "solutions" were best with some friends, I am asked what I think the solution is. At this point, I have only one solution I have been able to come up with, and although I am still certain it would help prevent such heartache from happening again, not completely, but at least somewhat, I know my solution isn't easier to achieve than anything suggested from either side. My solution is simple, in theory, and impossible in complete practice. My solution is a return to family values. It is a return to a place where morals are taught within the home. It is a place where children are taught to treat others with love and respect, where they are taught not to judge, taunt, or hurt others. I admit this isn't a fail proof idea. There is no way to "force" such teachings, and if it was forced it wouldn't be an effective way of teaching this lifestyle. The good side is, with such teachings, and with old fashioned Christian faith, such tragedies, if faced, are easier to handle, easier to bear with, and easier to recover afterwards.
I saw many people expressing such feelings. A large portion of the population seemed to sympathize with the idea that part of reason for such tragedies is simply because there is a lack of morality being taught, and people are turning away from God.
As happens after each tragedy, the rhetoric continues. Life moves on, and the story, although still on people's minds, begins to slide slowly into the background, and other things take its place.
A couple weeks later, there is another news story. This one was also called, by a few, a tragedy, although to me I can't see how that word would apply. And because of a simple comment made, this story has weighed more heavily on my mind. The summery of the story is as follows. A local high school decided to do a certain musical. They began working on it, and it is now a few months later. During the time in which this musical is being worked on, another work is done by another high school in the same district, and it is found, by district administrators, to be inappropriate material for a high school to perform. The district re-evaluates the criteria in which musicals/dramas are evaluated, and decides on a new threshold of rules that must be passed in order for a piece to be performed. As time progresses, a parent looks over the musical that her children's school is performing, and finds it to be, at least according to her moral code, inappropriate. She tells the school, and the district office, of her concern with the material. The district reviews the materials, and agrees, it is inappropriate according to the new rules. The school is told it can not perform the work.
This is where I enter the story. I will tell it from what I can. I admit, my views might differ from others, and hopefully I will not offend as I try to explain my viewpoints. By this time, the main stream media has entered the picture. They are reporting how, because of a parents complaint, the show is now cancelled. They report that students are very upset over them losing their opportunity to perform.
On the one hand, I understand how they feel. I loved performing in high school! Although I was always too busy to do the major productions, I did as many of the smaller ones as my time would permit. It was such a wonderful experience! Being on stage, and having that opportunity was a high that only performing could give! The closeness felt by the cast was always amazing! You would give your all, your time, your heart, your energy, all to try to give a performance that would reach out and grab the audience! I remember the thrill that would come when you knew you touched someone! It was one of the most overpowering feelings that I felt, and I would never want to give up the memories and experiences that I gained through my performances. I have never been in a position where a show had to be canceled, and I imagine that to do so would be heartbreaking to some.
But, as any of us who have lived through high school, and gone on in years can tell, High school is simply high school. Nothing more. I admit it does impact the rest of your life. During those years you learn who you are, and become part of who you will become. But it is just high school. There are bonds formed that will last through the years, and friendships made that you will swear, even 20 years later, will last through the eternities. But it is just high school.
My curiosity got the better of me, and instead of leaving the post alone, I decided to see what I thought of it. It was stated some of the objection was to the lyrics. Seemed like a good place to start. So, thanks to the lovely Internet, I start pulling up lyrics to the songs that were part of the performance. Although I am unsure if, in the same situation, I would have made the same complaint or not, with the lyrics I reviewed (I admit, it was not all of them, but enough that I felt strong enough that I could make my next move), I could see what the mother was saying, and where the complaints were coming from. I could see how that mother was looking at the show and thinking that by supporting the school in such a performance it would be, at least, a small knock down on her daughters moral fiber. And apparently, there was enough questionable material, that the district administrators agreed, and asked that the school not perform.
I started reading some of the comments on the article, something I rarely do because I find it leads me to judge others, and call people "idiots" in my mind, or out loud.. so it just seems better for me to avoid reading them. But it this case I read. I am somewhat shocked by most of the posts. People ask what "right" does a parent have to object to the high school musical. There are posts stating that the high schoolers already know more than they should about sex, so why is there any objection to it anyway? There are so many posts stating "We don't need morality, so don't force it on us".. and I am awestruck.
There seems to be a huge amount of hatred and anger in this post, and I can't help but think about all the comments a few weeks earlier spoken of how people wanted to invite God back into the schools; the comments about how we need to teach the children better, and make sure they have the moral ability to make correct decisions to avoid such tragedies; how sad it was that there was so much hatred in the world, and what a better and safer place it would be if the hatred just wasn't there. I sit and ponder on it for awhile.
I think of my own children. I think of how I have discussions with them about what is appropriate and what is not appropriate. I think of how I discuss with them how sometimes when someone acts mean or hurtful to them, it might be that the individual feels hurt or scared inside, and maybe they need someone to reach out to them in love. I think about how we have had discussions about modest clothing, and immodest clothing, and that when we even think it might be toeing the line, it is better for us to change for something more modest rather than say "well, we are probably OK". I think of the conversations I have had about not dating until an appropriate age, then group dating, and how I have told them how silly/stupid it is, in my mind, to have a steady boyfriend until they are old enough to marry him. We have discussed what is appropriate and inappropriate as far as sexuality is concerned. I encourage them to talk to me, and have open discussions on such subjects. I try not to lecture, and listen to their side. I know I expect them to keep themselves to a certain moral level, and they know this too. I also know that my standards for my daughters don't necessarily jive with everyone else's, and I know that is OK.
My daughter has a friend where the rules are different. But I still watch the morals being taught there. The family is expected to always be a FAMILY. They go running together in the morning. They attend each others sport functions. The kids play Just Dance with the parents, and the parents kick their kids butts at it! I admire this family, their values, and their love. No, they don't match mine. But they teach their kids, the protect them. The kids know right from wrong.
So, why is it so wrong for this mom to stand up for what she believes in? I think about what I want to say. I want to shout out to this mom that she isn't alone! I want to pat her on the back, and say "way to be involved!" There is so much I want to say, and mostly I want to just say "hey parents, remember morals? Have you taught your kids them?". So I make a comment on the story. Not something mean/hateful/etc. I don't see how hate ever gets us anywhere we want to be. But instead I simply write the most simple sentence I can form to hopefully sum up everything I want to say, without causing anyone any heartache or anger. "Glad the parents have some values.. glad they are willing to teach their kids to have some values even if it isn't popular." In my heart I am saying "thanks for being concerned! Thanks for letting your kids know you love them more than you care about popularity. Thanks for letting your kids know there is a certain moral level and they are expected to live up to it always, even when the world might tell them it doesn't matter."
This simple comment has been interesting to me. I figured it would probably get me a few "hate posts" (hence, since this point, I have not yet read any of the responses after mine to the news story.) But for some reason the news station decided to read my response online with the story during the evening news. Suddenly I had people on both sides of the fence messaging me about my post. What surprised me was how many people wrote about how they agreed. They were so happy that people were teaching their own children morals.
I guess this was just a reminder that I needed to see. I hope I will never be so naive as to believe that everyone else has to agree with me on every moral questions that can be presented. As I tell my kids, God gave you to me specifically because there is something I need to teach you, and something I need to learn from you. (I have also been known to tell them that if they disagree with his decision of who should parent them, they need to take that conversation to God because there isn't much I can do to override him. They don't seem to like that answer.) Even though I might not see eye to eye with every other parent, I know I am grateful to every parent out there who is teaching their children, who believes in holding their children to a certain moral level, who makes this world a better place by teaching their children to make it better.
No, the world may never be perfect. The battle between right and wrong will continue. I am glad I am not alone with choosing a side, and teaching my kids how to do the same. To all the parents out there who are in this battle with me, thank you! Thank you for teaching the children, for being a leader and a parent, and for helping our world be a better place! I, for one, am eternally grateful to you, and thankful for all you do!
**At this time, the school was able to come to a compromise with the writer of the musical, and it has since been edited, and sections deleted, in order to comply with the new district requirements. Please also know that although Sandy Hook was mnentioned, and morals being taught by parents, I in no way would like to imply that I feel in this case that the child was not taught morals in the home. I am unaware of what would have led to such a tragedy, and know there are many outside factors of which I am not aware. But I do feel that such incidences can be reduced by such teachings being taught in each and every home.
Do you ever watch the world around you, and see all the hardness in the world, and feel your heart nearly break? Recently I did, along with so many others. The experience I am speaking of is that disaster in Sandy Hook. I think each of us in the nation mourned as we realized the tragedy that occurred. The children were so young, innocent, and perfect. And yet their life was ended prematurely because someone made a decision that was wrong. It wasn't one of those wrongs that we can somehow justify, that we can come to grips with, and somehow understand how it happened. This was one of those cases where it was so horrible, we sat in awe wondering how such a thing could ever come to be.
As happens with every tragedy that is in the public eye, the war cries start, looking for a place to blame, a place to "fix", a place to correct and prevent such a thing from ever happening again. One group yells that we need every teacher armed, and armed guards in every school. The other side yells that all guns must be destroyed, no one should be able to own one. I sit and watch, and I can't come to agree with either side. I, personally, would rather die than have to kill someone in my own self defense. If you throw my children into the mix, well, then the mama bear takes over, and I would protect them with all of my might. I personally do not care for guns, never have. But I married a man who was an expert infantryman, and I value that knowledge and skill that he has.
When discussing what "solutions" were best with some friends, I am asked what I think the solution is. At this point, I have only one solution I have been able to come up with, and although I am still certain it would help prevent such heartache from happening again, not completely, but at least somewhat, I know my solution isn't easier to achieve than anything suggested from either side. My solution is simple, in theory, and impossible in complete practice. My solution is a return to family values. It is a return to a place where morals are taught within the home. It is a place where children are taught to treat others with love and respect, where they are taught not to judge, taunt, or hurt others. I admit this isn't a fail proof idea. There is no way to "force" such teachings, and if it was forced it wouldn't be an effective way of teaching this lifestyle. The good side is, with such teachings, and with old fashioned Christian faith, such tragedies, if faced, are easier to handle, easier to bear with, and easier to recover afterwards.
I saw many people expressing such feelings. A large portion of the population seemed to sympathize with the idea that part of reason for such tragedies is simply because there is a lack of morality being taught, and people are turning away from God.
As happens after each tragedy, the rhetoric continues. Life moves on, and the story, although still on people's minds, begins to slide slowly into the background, and other things take its place.
A couple weeks later, there is another news story. This one was also called, by a few, a tragedy, although to me I can't see how that word would apply. And because of a simple comment made, this story has weighed more heavily on my mind. The summery of the story is as follows. A local high school decided to do a certain musical. They began working on it, and it is now a few months later. During the time in which this musical is being worked on, another work is done by another high school in the same district, and it is found, by district administrators, to be inappropriate material for a high school to perform. The district re-evaluates the criteria in which musicals/dramas are evaluated, and decides on a new threshold of rules that must be passed in order for a piece to be performed. As time progresses, a parent looks over the musical that her children's school is performing, and finds it to be, at least according to her moral code, inappropriate. She tells the school, and the district office, of her concern with the material. The district reviews the materials, and agrees, it is inappropriate according to the new rules. The school is told it can not perform the work.
This is where I enter the story. I will tell it from what I can. I admit, my views might differ from others, and hopefully I will not offend as I try to explain my viewpoints. By this time, the main stream media has entered the picture. They are reporting how, because of a parents complaint, the show is now cancelled. They report that students are very upset over them losing their opportunity to perform.
On the one hand, I understand how they feel. I loved performing in high school! Although I was always too busy to do the major productions, I did as many of the smaller ones as my time would permit. It was such a wonderful experience! Being on stage, and having that opportunity was a high that only performing could give! The closeness felt by the cast was always amazing! You would give your all, your time, your heart, your energy, all to try to give a performance that would reach out and grab the audience! I remember the thrill that would come when you knew you touched someone! It was one of the most overpowering feelings that I felt, and I would never want to give up the memories and experiences that I gained through my performances. I have never been in a position where a show had to be canceled, and I imagine that to do so would be heartbreaking to some.
But, as any of us who have lived through high school, and gone on in years can tell, High school is simply high school. Nothing more. I admit it does impact the rest of your life. During those years you learn who you are, and become part of who you will become. But it is just high school. There are bonds formed that will last through the years, and friendships made that you will swear, even 20 years later, will last through the eternities. But it is just high school.
My curiosity got the better of me, and instead of leaving the post alone, I decided to see what I thought of it. It was stated some of the objection was to the lyrics. Seemed like a good place to start. So, thanks to the lovely Internet, I start pulling up lyrics to the songs that were part of the performance. Although I am unsure if, in the same situation, I would have made the same complaint or not, with the lyrics I reviewed (I admit, it was not all of them, but enough that I felt strong enough that I could make my next move), I could see what the mother was saying, and where the complaints were coming from. I could see how that mother was looking at the show and thinking that by supporting the school in such a performance it would be, at least, a small knock down on her daughters moral fiber. And apparently, there was enough questionable material, that the district administrators agreed, and asked that the school not perform.
I started reading some of the comments on the article, something I rarely do because I find it leads me to judge others, and call people "idiots" in my mind, or out loud.. so it just seems better for me to avoid reading them. But it this case I read. I am somewhat shocked by most of the posts. People ask what "right" does a parent have to object to the high school musical. There are posts stating that the high schoolers already know more than they should about sex, so why is there any objection to it anyway? There are so many posts stating "We don't need morality, so don't force it on us".. and I am awestruck.
There seems to be a huge amount of hatred and anger in this post, and I can't help but think about all the comments a few weeks earlier spoken of how people wanted to invite God back into the schools; the comments about how we need to teach the children better, and make sure they have the moral ability to make correct decisions to avoid such tragedies; how sad it was that there was so much hatred in the world, and what a better and safer place it would be if the hatred just wasn't there. I sit and ponder on it for awhile.
I think of my own children. I think of how I have discussions with them about what is appropriate and what is not appropriate. I think of how I discuss with them how sometimes when someone acts mean or hurtful to them, it might be that the individual feels hurt or scared inside, and maybe they need someone to reach out to them in love. I think about how we have had discussions about modest clothing, and immodest clothing, and that when we even think it might be toeing the line, it is better for us to change for something more modest rather than say "well, we are probably OK". I think of the conversations I have had about not dating until an appropriate age, then group dating, and how I have told them how silly/stupid it is, in my mind, to have a steady boyfriend until they are old enough to marry him. We have discussed what is appropriate and inappropriate as far as sexuality is concerned. I encourage them to talk to me, and have open discussions on such subjects. I try not to lecture, and listen to their side. I know I expect them to keep themselves to a certain moral level, and they know this too. I also know that my standards for my daughters don't necessarily jive with everyone else's, and I know that is OK.
My daughter has a friend where the rules are different. But I still watch the morals being taught there. The family is expected to always be a FAMILY. They go running together in the morning. They attend each others sport functions. The kids play Just Dance with the parents, and the parents kick their kids butts at it! I admire this family, their values, and their love. No, they don't match mine. But they teach their kids, the protect them. The kids know right from wrong.
So, why is it so wrong for this mom to stand up for what she believes in? I think about what I want to say. I want to shout out to this mom that she isn't alone! I want to pat her on the back, and say "way to be involved!" There is so much I want to say, and mostly I want to just say "hey parents, remember morals? Have you taught your kids them?". So I make a comment on the story. Not something mean/hateful/etc. I don't see how hate ever gets us anywhere we want to be. But instead I simply write the most simple sentence I can form to hopefully sum up everything I want to say, without causing anyone any heartache or anger. "Glad the parents have some values.. glad they are willing to teach their kids to have some values even if it isn't popular." In my heart I am saying "thanks for being concerned! Thanks for letting your kids know you love them more than you care about popularity. Thanks for letting your kids know there is a certain moral level and they are expected to live up to it always, even when the world might tell them it doesn't matter."
This simple comment has been interesting to me. I figured it would probably get me a few "hate posts" (hence, since this point, I have not yet read any of the responses after mine to the news story.) But for some reason the news station decided to read my response online with the story during the evening news. Suddenly I had people on both sides of the fence messaging me about my post. What surprised me was how many people wrote about how they agreed. They were so happy that people were teaching their own children morals.
I guess this was just a reminder that I needed to see. I hope I will never be so naive as to believe that everyone else has to agree with me on every moral questions that can be presented. As I tell my kids, God gave you to me specifically because there is something I need to teach you, and something I need to learn from you. (I have also been known to tell them that if they disagree with his decision of who should parent them, they need to take that conversation to God because there isn't much I can do to override him. They don't seem to like that answer.) Even though I might not see eye to eye with every other parent, I know I am grateful to every parent out there who is teaching their children, who believes in holding their children to a certain moral level, who makes this world a better place by teaching their children to make it better.
No, the world may never be perfect. The battle between right and wrong will continue. I am glad I am not alone with choosing a side, and teaching my kids how to do the same. To all the parents out there who are in this battle with me, thank you! Thank you for teaching the children, for being a leader and a parent, and for helping our world be a better place! I, for one, am eternally grateful to you, and thankful for all you do!
**At this time, the school was able to come to a compromise with the writer of the musical, and it has since been edited, and sections deleted, in order to comply with the new district requirements. Please also know that although Sandy Hook was mnentioned, and morals being taught by parents, I in no way would like to imply that I feel in this case that the child was not taught morals in the home. I am unaware of what would have led to such a tragedy, and know there are many outside factors of which I am not aware. But I do feel that such incidences can be reduced by such teachings being taught in each and every home.
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