I remember when I first went to my husband and said, "Honey, I think we are suppose to start having a family. What do you think?" The previous 4 years of marriage he had watched me ooh and awe over babies, pull faces at them, talk to toddlers with a huge smile, and knew this day was coming. I had just finished my college degree, and so the next logical step in my mind was fulfilling that baby hunger I had!
I didn't know how quickly, and fully that blessing would be fulfilled! Within two months of that conversation I announced I was expecting, and then later that year we welcomed our first daughter into our home. I have to admit, she was somewhat a fussy child, but she was mine, and I was thrilled! About six months later at a check up, my doctor told me she did not think I would be able to have any more children without major medical intervention. I enjoyed my time as a mother, and thought, well, I have one. Just when she was getting to that cute stage where she could pull herself up on things, and pull everything off the table or desk, and could begin to cause her own mischief, around nine months in age, we had another surprise. I was again expecting. We were overjoyed! The doctors apparently were wrong, and we were thrilled at the chance. Right as our oldest turned 18 months, we brought our second beautiful daughter home.
Now, I said my first was a bit fussy, but my second was clearly in pain. She had severe reflux. We were still blessed, it was nothing life threatening. Not anything that would cause her to have hardships in life, just something that would keep her very sad, and would keep my shoulder constantly smelling like spoiled milk. I was feeling a bit overwhelmed, but knew this too would pass, and so I continued to enjoy my time as a mother.
Time went on, and Leah hit that lovely mischievous stage around 9 months. She got into everything, made messes everywhere, and it was wonderful! And stressful. On top of that, Kimberly had mastered the twos. She was advanced for her age. She could throw a tantrum and yell "NO!" with the best of them. She wasn't a bad child by any means, but every 2 year old can be a handful at times, so with the two of them, I was managing, a bit sleep deprived, and a bit stressed. But I knew this stage would not last forever, so I did what I could do to enjoy it.
It was at this time that I received more shocking news. I discovered I was, once again, pregnant. This time the announcement was not made with cute papers and smiles, but instead as tears streaked down my face to only my closest friends as I told them I didn't think I could handle it, and that I didn't understand why Heavenly Father would send me another child at this time. But I did what I could to handle it.
Nine months later, we brought our third daughter home. She too had reflux, but this time I knew how to handle it. I found a car seat that had a strap that could sling over your shoulder like a large purse to carry her. And I went into survival mode. I spent my days trying to cope with having a 3 year old, 18 month old, and newborn. Luckily they were so close to 18 months apart for doctors appointments, and I even had one time I could take all 3 in at once for immunizations! And due to my lucky find of the car seat, I was able to carry 2 screaming toddlers, one on each hip, and 1 screaming baby, in a car seat strapped to me dangling in front, all out of the doctors office at once, with the diaper bag. Yes, I was living the stay at home moms dream, or nightmare possibly.
I had a very hard time with this stage. I had always been a very independent, very involved in the community personality, loving to stay busy and be involved. Now I had no time for friends, or for any of what I used to do. Which brings me to that dreaded question on that form.
Fast forward a bit. I now have a 6 month old, 2 year old, and my oldest is still 3. The house is sometimes, well oft times, scattered with toys. I have open packs of diapers and wipes in a few rooms in the house so I can change the child where ever we are at. I go to museums and parks, and my favorite restaurant has been downgraded to McDonald's. Sometimes we watch Seame Street so I can hear an adult voice in the house for a change. And I am doing ok. I am managing. My kids are doing well. And we move into a new ward.
I am given a paper that is a "getting to know you" paper with simple questions. The first ones are easy. Name, Number of Children and ages, Favorite Food, Favorite Color, no problem! It is the next one that strikes me hard. "Talents and Hobbies". Hmmm. Have to think about that one. Hobbies. Well, I know I used to sew? I like to sing? I start looking over my life, and wondering what do I do? Gourmet chef? Well, as we eat mac and cheese a lot, no. I think about sports. Back in junior high I used to play basketball, but what do you expect out of a woman who has 2 brothers over 6' 4". And my height was about all I had going for me back in my "day"; I hadn't take the opportunity to go out and "shoot hoops" for, well, about 3 1/2 years at least. (It is hard to make a basket while carrying a baby). OK, not sports. What else?
Crafts? Did I have talent in crafts? This was all happening during the early years of "scrap booking" where the scrapbooks were works of art and took about as much time as the Sistine Chapel. Let's see. I did put Sariah's ultrasound on some card stock and placed it in a binder, not sure it qualified.
Sewing? I could mend stuff. Heck, I could even take a pattern and sew pretty much anything, as long as it was a decent material that was easy to work with. Then again, when I got engaged, and chose a dress that was a mere $3,000 my mother had studied the designer dress over and over, and made a pattern to copy it, even down to the funky pillow bows on the back. Ok, sewing was not what I would call my "talent".
Singing? Well, I like to sing, love to sing. Talent? Same mother, well she trained to be a professional opera singer before my brother was born. Nope! Couldn't even compare myself.
So I sat there. Many thoughts entered my mind. Not nice ones, but instead very harsh ones. How could someone else "get to know me" when I didn't even know myself? What were my talents? Why was I worthwhile? It was a very hard look inside of myself. I couldn't remember what I did for "fun", and as far as talents, well, I could diaper a baby while keeping the toddler from reaching in and grabbing the poop. Not really what I thought they were looking for. Looking back, I don't think the sleep deprivation and constant running helped my outlook. I think I was just plum wore out, and rightly so! I had put a lot of hard work, late nights, early mornings into my kids. I deserved to be tired! But I still wanted to know that I had a talent. I had something I could offer the world, other than just my kids, to say "Hey! Look! I am worthwhile! I am needed! God put me here because the world needed me, too!".
As I sat there, I had a small child smile at me. And I smiled back, probably winked (although I was close to tears). And I watched them get all happy and excited. I began to peak around chairs so they couldn't see me the peek out, and they would start giggling. I played this game for a few minutes, while still listening to the dark feelings in my mind. And then I had a prompting, and very strong prompting. "This is why you are important! This is your talent!" I could smile, and by doing so, I could make others smile. I think I have a lovely smile! Not because all my teeth are perfect, or because my lips are just so, but because when I smile I smile with my whole being. My eyes light up, my cheeks bump up squashing out my eyes, and my whole body smiles with all it has. And I have a loud, obnoxious, contagious laugh! I do not snicker, I do not giggle, I laugh with everything I have! Even when life is crashing down, I smile, I laugh. It is my coping mechanism. And when things are good, why shouldn't I smile or laugh? So, I do it then also. I found my talent, and I proudly wrote on the paper "smile". I never did find out what they thought of such a silly answer. I hope it made them snicker a bit and think "Maybe I should smile more too?", maybe they just wrote it off that the new girl might be a little weird. And I am not sure I even care.
What I do know is I prize that knowledge now. When anyone asks about my talents I tell them God gave me the ability to smile! Sure, now that the girls are older, and don't require my every waking breath, I realize I have other talents. I bottle all kinds of food for our family! I love to garden! I can create a home that, although it will never make it in a decorating magazine, my kids can feel comfortable, complete with indoor slides and swings, secret passageways, hideouts, and 3 foot My Little Ponies painted on the walls. I did take singing lessons from a dear friend, and although I still am sometimes unsure about my singing abilities, I know people don't cover their ears and run in pain, and I am even asked to sing, so I guess I need to count that one as a talent as well.
However, On every form that asks me "What talents/hobbies do you have?" I always know my first answer. It is the answer I learned that day, and a talent that puts the rest of my talents to shame. I can smile! Try it out, maybe it is your talent too!
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