When Mr. Right Lives Across the Country, oh.. and you haven't met

Looking back, there is no doubt in my mind that my Heavenly Father had a huge part in the decision of who to marry. However, it happened so fast, I don't think I had a clue until I was already married to my best friend.  So, here is a post on God giving you what you need, even when you didn't even realize you wanted it yet.

I was attending school at the University of Utah.  I had always thought my path would lead me to be a doctor at some point, and I had used high school to work toward that goal, then began college first working toward my bachelors of Nursing. And that is where my story begins, a girl wanting to be a doctor, doing her nursing pre-reqs, having no idea how her life would be turned upside down in just a few short months.

Now,  if anyone is reading this, and unaware of how "getting married" is different in Utah, well, maybe I should explain a bit.  Many guys, and almost every one of my male friends, served a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  They leave at 19 years old, or there about, and they spend the next 2 years of their lives teaching people about the gospel, serving them, and growing closer to their Savior, Jesus Christ.  They come home so much at peace, so much more mature, and very often, ready to step into their next phase of life, marriage. 

So here I am, at college, with all these guys around who seem to have one thing on their mind, getting married. I already have my little road map of my life ahead of me.  In my mind I will 1. Finish my bachelors, and go on to get my medical license.  2. Serve a service mission for the church where my medical license will be put to good use.  3. Open a practice and when I have spare time, look for someone to marry, and start a family.  Because of being somewhat of a geek in high school, I started college with enough credits that I was already a Junior, so although these were long term plans, I was well on my way.

I am not sure if the next part of my story was an experience that was concocted by  God just to put me in the right frame of mind, scared out of my wits, or just coincidence, but either way it worked.  Apparently, being a cute little 19 year old girl in science classes at the University of Utah had its advantages.  I was happy, smiley, and even though my thoughts on marriage were so far in the distance, I could barely see them, I was more than happy to say yes to anyone who asked me out on a date.  After all, a free meal, good company, and some fun was just what I needed to give me some extra energy to go accomplish my dreams.  So I dated, as much as I could. I wouldn't date anyone seriously, only casually, usually a few dates with a guy before I moved on.  I didn't need, or want, anything serious.

But then it happened. Apparently someone snuck in my bedroom in the middle of the night, and must have tattooed my forehead to read "Marry Me Please".  They must have used some special ink that was only visible to men, because I could never see it, but apparently they could.  My next few dates would prove that.  Date number one: Cute guy from physiology class.  OK.  So, this one I didn't even get an official date from before he sent me running in the opposite direction!

We had sat next to each other a few times during physiology class, and after talking to one of my good friends, I discovered she was related to him.  So, knowing I found him cute, she invited him to my surprise birthday party.  And he offered to drive me home.  It was a dream come true.  Until the conversation changed, and he asked me how soon I wanted to get married.  Marriage?? Huh?? I think I just stared at him as if he were a crazed lunatic!  There was nothing wrong with him! If he were willing to come back in, well let's see, about 10, maybe 12, years, sure! Sounds like a plan! But right then, um?  I told him this, and well, he wasn't thrilled about my answer.  In fact, he tried to talk me out of it.  But I stood my ground. Nope! Nada!

The following day, I still sat next to him the in physiology, and introduced him to my friend, a very cute red head spunky thing, and, well, I guess he got his wish! They got engaged about 2 weeks later.  And all i could think was "better her than me!"





Then, scare number two came along.  This guy seemed nice.  I met him at an institute dance, and danced with him a couple times.  He had a nice smile, seemed friendly, and only had a couple things that I wasn't interested in.  The main one, he was shorter than me.  I had a list of things a guy "needed" to have to be my prince charming.  First one, he had to be taller than me.  I spent the end of junior high, and all of high school, just short of 6 feet tall.  I spent years dating guys who I could tell them if their part on their hair was straight, because I could see it, easily.  Slow dancing was awkward, to say the least, with their heads being level with my chest instead of the other way around.  But, he asked me out, seemed like a nice guy, so according to my self imposed rules (to date as many people as possible!), I said yes. 





We were having a fun time! I discovered he actually competed on the university's ballroom dance team, which made me feel so much more aware of my gangly long limbs. But it's just a date, all is well. After a fun night of dinner and dancing, we were walking along the street downtown by temple square.  Now, anyone who is Mormon, and lives in Utah knows that if you are going to propose, this is the place to do it.  But of course, it is my first date, and so such thoughts don't even enter my mind. Now the conversation takes an interesting turn.  He asks me how my parents met.  Well, they grew up around the corner from each other. My dad started hanging out at my mom's house around the time he was 8 or 9, and they were great friends.  They started dating later, and got married soon after my mom finished high school.  Then he asks how I think will meet my future spouse.  I am sure he will just become my best friend at some point, and then a few years later, finally we decide to get married. He begins talking of how his parents went on their first date, and during the date, his dad proposed, and his mom accepted, they just knew.  He asked me if I thought that was terribly romantic, and how would I feel if that happened to me.  I, thinking this was just a conversation maker,  told him how I thought about it, and apparently it was the wrong answer for him.  Oops.  Let's just say, there was never a second date.

Add a couple more experiences like that, and I am sure you can see how I was now a bit skittish around men.  How could you meet someone, and instantly marry them, or even talk marriage with them? I have to admit, I don't even remember either of these guy's names, and the one I was kinda spacey on his name during the actual date.  But now, when I went on a date, I was very cautious.  If any talk of marriage came up, I instantly changed the subject.  I asked about goals in a "predate" conversation, and made sure I mentioned all I was going to accomplish before I got married.  Looking back, I may have scared off a few of the normal guys, too. But that was fine by me.  I just wanted to make sure I had a chance to live my life and gain my goals! And, I did know that marriage would interrupt those goals.

Now, there was another "must" on my list of what I required in my future husband, and this one was a deal breaker.  I wanted, no needed, someone who could marry me in the LDS temple.  I never saw the point in being married to someone until death, and then, when one of us died, saying "Hey! Thanks for the great memories! Bye!   Hasta la vista baby!"  Instead, I wanted someone I could be married to forever, this life and the next, and I knew this could be achieved in the temple. And this was where my whole story got "interesting" and a guy snuck under the radar.

I was going to school back in the days when cell phones were only owned by a very elite few, the Internet was still in its infancy, and there was still long distance charged from every land line, even to call from Salt Lake City to Provo. Many of my friends had gone to BYU to attend college.  So to call them, or talk to them, I would have to pay money!! It was appalling!  So, we found out about this new "technology" called a MOO (Multi-User Domain Object Oriented).  It was kind of like a chat room, in its very beginning stages.  It was used, mostly by techno geeks, to have a place to do funny little programming tricks, and show them to other techno geeks.  For me and my friends, it was a way to go to a computer lab, log into a computer, and plan our weekends, and chat, without needing to pay for an expensive phone bill.  It was a dream come true!!  We would choose times when we had breaks between classes, log in, and chat the day away.

OK, remember the mention of the missions? Guys going away for a couple years?  Well, there was one I had a huge crush on! But he was gone for a couple years, out teaching people about Jesus, and loving every minute of it! He was one that I figured I could throw away at least part of my dreams for when he got back if things worked out.  And he had attended Skyline High School, a small fact that would help set the ball rolling.

So, I was sitting in a computer lab at the University of Utah, getting very, very bored waiting for my friends to log on and talk to me!  To pass the time, I began talk to a couple other people who happen to be on this particular MOO.  There were a couple of guys, one who went  by Fenris Ulf, the other by Coyote, who were around a lot.  Apparently they had to log a certain number of hours on the MOO for their 20th Century Communication Class. Apparently this "chat" thing is going to be big in the future!! In fact, businesses may use it as a way to hold meetings, people will use it to talk to people in different cities! (Yes, chat rooms were in the “someday this technology” will be big time, and yes, dinosaurs still roamed the earth!) Some day, almost everyone will have it!  So, they had to learn to use it.   We talked a bit, and I met their instructor, Kiwi.  As we were chatting I learned that although they are attending the University of South Florida, Coyote went to Skyline High.  He grew up just a couple streets over from all the guys I hung out with in high school.  Another Skyline guy! I couldn't be more thrilled! The three of them, Kiwi, Coyote, and Fenris, were great! They always were so willing to talk to me and just be nice while I waited for my friends to log in.  And one of them, Fenris, was so much fun to talk to, but I knew he was safe! He wasn't Mormon, and lived in Florida.  I didn't have to worry about HIM throwing crazy words at me like MARRIAGE!  After all, he wasn't one of those insane return missionary boys!

Soon I found myself logging in, not to talk to my high school friends, but instead to talk with him.  We spent hours talking about just about everything!  We were becoming close friends, and yet had never met face to face.  I think we started talking around the end of October, or possibly the beginning of November.  As I am a psycho Christmas-aholic, I sent him a Christmas present, and a picture so he would know what I looked like (The computer technology didn't have a way for us to send pictures, so the US Postal service was as good as it got! Apparently he decided I was drop dead gorgeous.. and, according to his grandfather, way out of his league! And who am I to argue).  He mailed me a  present in return, including a gold heart locket and a picture of him in full camo face paint from his army days.  But he was still safe.  So I kept talking and getting closer to him.  One day he casually mentioned a drink.  I think it had the word blue? maybe even motorcycle? I had no clue what he was talking about, and told him so.  His words, I do believe were, "Oh, you live in Utah? And don't know what that is? You must be a Mormon!".  Yep!  (For those who are LDS, please sing in your head “I'm a Mormon, Yes I Am!” at this point in the story!) You better believe it.  He asked a couple questions, and we ended up having a nice long talk about religion, and my beliefs. 

Next, I asked him a question that would change my entire life.  "Do you mind if I send a couple friends over to teach you about my church?"  His answer was somewhat surprising to me. "Sure! I would love that." OK. No problem. 

It would be wrong of me not to share some of his background here. So consider this his flashback, unknown to me at the time. Tommy had always wanted to be in the Army. During high school, he was a leader in the ROTC. He qualified for a full scholarship to Embry-Riddle. He served in the 82^nd Airborne Division, and was part of a LRSD (long range surveillance detachment, which means the army flies you a few miles BEHIND enemy lines, drops ya off via kicking you out the aircraft door with your parachute, and you watch the enemy, and radio back details of the other armies happenings.) During this time he had an army buddy named Greg Rayty. Rayty was a return missionary. Tommy always admired him. He was the type of guy who would tell them, “I don't care what time it is! If you are drunk, you call me and I will come give you a ride!” He was always kind to everyone. And he and Tommy had numerous talks about beliefs, the meaning of life, and religion. Greg had shared with him everything missionaries teach, and Tommy believed him, and knew what he spoke was true, even though he didn't choose to do anything but listen at this point. OK. Flash forward...

The missionaries showed up at his house, and his grandpa sent them away. The missionaries, knowing someone in Utah asked them to go to this house, showed up again! This time grandpa told them to please leave and next time they would be greeted by the police. Tommy, hearing all this decided to take action on his own. On Sunday, he looked up the address for the local ward house, drove over, knocked on the bishops office door, and questioned “What does a guy need to do to join your church?” The missionaries took over from there, and shortly later Tommy was baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Now, this meant that he was getting a bit less "safe" as a guy friend.  But he still lived in Florida, so I was still safe, or so I could pretend.  I could still have him as, well, now, one of my best friends. But funny thing is, apparently he didn't get the memo that I had a lot to do before I let myself fall in love, get married, and all that good stuff! And apparently the tattoo must have shown up on the picture I sent him. And he wasn't about to not follow that “Marry Me” advice that was so prominently there on my forehead, after all, if he didn't, someone else might try!

A couple days after his baptism, I got a phone call, not our normal means of communication, since we were both broke, and couldn't afford the long distance charges.  He said he was moving to Utah. I am not sure anything about marriage was mentioned, but as this was getting into  the "scary beyond belief" zone, I told him quite clearly that I was not interested in a relationship, but was happy to meet him face to face, and hoped he could find what he was looking for here. 

Well, to make a long story.. well, not as long as it could be, it ended up I didn't have to worry about him asking me to marry him on the first date.  He took care of that before we even had a chance to go on a date, only six days after getting here. And for some reason, coming out of his mouth, it wasn't so scary. 

Six months later, we were married, and that is how we began the story that we are now 16 years into, and how all of my grand plans were foiled by falling in love.  But the rest of that is for another story....